c'estpourmoi (thisisforme)

you are wasting my time

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So not enjoying the competition.

I’m really over the idea of everyone¬†expecting me to go out of my way to please you. I’m not going to go out of my way to please you. If I have ever done anything that seemed to be going out of my way only to please you, you are mistaken. It was not done for you. Why in the world would I want to have to work for your affections? That’s not love!

This is your loss.

Sorry if this is speaking on a level deeper and more honest than you’d prefer, but I don’t know how not to be honest about this.

I have given up.

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Written by cestpourmoi

April 12, 2010 at 9:07 pm

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what are you doing when no one is watching?

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you make me feel angry, ugly and unnecessary.

Written by cestpourmoi

April 10, 2010 at 6:59 pm

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acrobat

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I must be an acrobat
To talk like this
And act like that
You can dream
So dream out loud

Don’t let the bastards grind you down

(u2)

Written by cestpourmoi

March 9, 2010 at 10:49 pm

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c

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God’s little gift is on the rag
Poster girl posing in a fashion mag
Canine, feline, Jekyll and Hyde
Wear your fake fur on the inside

A change would do you good

(Sheryl Crow)

Written by cestpourmoi

February 22, 2010 at 9:37 pm

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actually, no

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This isn’t torture. Torture happens in small, dark rooms in countries with names you struggle to spell. This is just mildly unpleasant.

This isn’t heroism. Heroism happens in churches that are also schools, performed by teachers with no names and no place to stay. This is just a good deed for the day.

This isn’t loss. Loss happens on fields filled with poppies, in hospitals buzzing with flies, in distant deserts and late at night when there’s no good reason for the phone to ring. This is just longing.

This isn’t important. Important happens on bended knees and is breathed on last breaths with hands clutched tight, hearts tighter. This is just a distraction.

I Wrote This For You

As much as I do agree with and understand the point of the above words, I must say that I mostly disagree with the idea that they are presenting. They’re presenting the idea that unless you are “really” suffering, in a third-world country, for example, then your sufferings don’t matter. They’re implying that unless you are “really” experiencing some sort of trauma, or unless you have “really” made a tangible difference in someone’s life, then what you’ve done, what you’re going through, or what you are feeling, really doesn’t matter. And those ideas are what I have a hard time grasping.

There is nothing too big or too small. Nothing.

Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. Who cares about that? Seriously, wine? That’s your first trick? Who the hell cares about what these people are drinking at their wedding? Aren’t there lives to save somewhere? Blind to see and sick to heal?

Or, you could stop at that and really realize, there is Nothing too big or too small. He didn’t have to turn the water into wine. He could have told them to drink the damned water and get on with the wedding. Instead though, since that’s what they wanted and since He knew it would give them one more ounce of joy, He performed his first miracle and…

So yes, I do understand that if we’re thinking comparatively, then maybe not getting a new job; or being stuck in a crap-lease for a year; or having someone touch your food (when you have a severe, need-to-go-to-a-therapist phobia about people touching things, particularly your food); or having someone tell you your hair is ugly (in so many words); or not getting a Valentine’s gift; or not getting your money back from your old lease; or losing your electricity and then your water for approximately 12 hours each, within a 24 hour time-frame; if we’re thinking comparatively, then no, those things may not matter, and you can easily and with a clear conscience say to get over it.

But.

But, if we’re speaking in terms of the general happiness of oneself, in the right to pursue happiness, and in the idea that no, we don’t have to settle for what we’ve got, then, no, I do not agree that these said “little” things do not matter.

I refuse to believe that I am not anything. I refuse to believe that my cries for my pains and sufferings are not heard by God because he loves or cares about the less fortunate more than he cares about me. I cannot believe that he loves me any less than he loves the children of Haiti (that is not to say that he loves me more than them, either). He loves me. And he understands me. He knows my heart.

He knows us and He loves us all, and He hears every single one of our cries, no matter how small the hardship.

Written by cestpourmoi

February 15, 2010 at 10:05 pm

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I recently found this blog. I do consider myself somewhat crafty, I guess, but oh my, how I wish I had the time and resources to conquer this level of the game! Here are a few of my favorites:

Maybe it's not so much the hobo sack that I love, but this kid's clothes and general attitude.

Written by cestpourmoi

February 15, 2010 at 9:17 pm

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..

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Written by cestpourmoi

February 14, 2010 at 9:23 pm

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