c'estpourmoi (thisisforme)

every time

with 2 comments

You get it right every time, Ryan. God has given you an amazing voice.

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Ryan’s above post couldn’t have come at a better time. i have a new assignment.

i’m sick of people. i’m sick of the human species, in general. yes, there are a few of you, specifically, that just really bring out the cynicism in me, but really i just mean it in a general sense. people suck. most of us have this ridiculous sense of self-entitlement. we all think that we’re superior for some reason. we’re all taught to take care of “#1”, that’s it’s a “dog-eat-dog world out there”, and that “all’s fair in love and war.” and again, that’s a load of crap. i’m so sick of the attitudes we have. get over yourself. but… let me rephrase… it’s not people, i guess, that i’m sick of. it’s people’s minds and the way we live and think.

for example, i recently updated my facebook status with the idea that i was “done with people.” the comments and private messages i got were incredible. people, as i should have expected, took it personally, instead of taking it in the general, cynical/sarcastic/”funny” sense i meant it, and i got message after message saying “what did i do,” “sorry if i offended you,” and “was that about me?” again, get over yourself!

strangely though, i get this weird sense of patience and peace when someone really… annoys me (for lack of a better word). it’s so strange. i think it’s good, this feeling… it’s a feeling like, “yes, you are definitely obnoxious and i really, really, passionately disagree with everything you stand for, but that’s okay. it doesn’t matter. it really, absolutely does not matter, because i know something, and i love you despite how ridiculous you and i are.” then though, i keep going back and forth and i have this internal war with myself on my attitude. should i stand up to them and for myself, or should i be passive and just let it go, because like i said, it doesn’t matter?

and you know, another thing, i know i could “kill them with kindness” or just throw a couple Bible verses their way with not another word spoken, but… that’s not me. i either keep it to myself and find my “inner peace” with Jesus, where He tells me to just get over it and smile; or i fight, which you could call “standing up for what i believe in,” which in turn you could call being “a warrior.”

i don’t know that there’s a remedy for this crazy internal contradiction (the love/hate relationship i have with people), since it’s just who i am. i recently discovered, with the help of my new boss, the show “nip/tuck”. it’s dreadfully amazing and wrong on so many levels. do not let your children watch it. but… guilty pleasure. anyway, on the most recent episode, the two doctors, who have this love/hate relationship, are having issues with one another. one’s a huge jerk and the other is, well, he’s a huge jerk too, but compared to this other guy, he’s a saint. and blagh, blagh, blagh, at the end, the “saint” says that it’s one thing to give up on someone, and it’s another to accept them for who they are.

so this is my new assignment: to not give up on people; to accept people for who they are; to fight for what i know is right, but to pick my battles; to love.

fini.

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Written by cestpourmoi

January 9, 2010 at 10:08 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. Great, encouraging words. Thanks so much, Tawni.

    Ryan

    ryan

    January 10, 2010 at 1:12 am

  2. i sometimes forget where my line is between loving &hating someone. &once i reach that point it’s hard to go back. but to chose to love is brave &i envy you for being able to do that.

    lief

    January 10, 2010 at 3:18 pm


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